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What to do for my 7 year anniversary…this I contemplated weeks ago, when it dawned on me that I should write a blog post and etch our history onto the Internet, as a tribute to my husband. Because of course he would love that. And I sit here trying to write out what to say at the very last minute, close to midnight. Having 2 kids is no walk in the park let me tell ya. Well here goes.
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7 years ago, I was married to the love of my life in the ICU of VGH (Vancouver General Hospital). My dad had almost died on the night of our stags, and the doctors weren’t sure he wasn’t going to survive. So to make sure he was at our wedding, we got married right there beside him. That’s just one of the many movie like scenes in the story of our lives together. We have held each other’s hand through both the
most beautiful moments and also the hardest moments of our lives.
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I heard somewhere that if you can make it through 7 years of marriage, you can make it the rest of your lives. I have to say, I’m at a point now where I am really confident in my marriage…it seems to have only strengthened the entire time. I also read more recently somewhere a little thing about marriage. Not everyone is a fan of it. But the person who was talking about it said something along the lines of marriage being an invisible string that attaches you to one another. You will go through great tests of your relationship, maybe even want to leave at some point – but didn’t because of that invisible string that kept you attached. And because of that string, you are still together, after having gone through all of that – and you are so glad you are. I am not going to tell you that all of our years were rainbows and sunshine, because they weren’t. But in a real relationship, there will be times of trouble, and times that will test the very foundation you built it on in the first place. And just like the metaphor that is being unintentionally set up, if the foundation starts to crack, you fill it. You fix it. And you figure out how it got that way and learn so that it doesn’t crack again. As we age and experience, we change. It’s working with that change and changing with them.
Every time someone asks me how we met, I love telling them the story. It’s a pretty good one. And for the sake of storytelling, here it is again:
Tibor and I went to high school together. I left that high school in grade 10, so we hadn’t seen each other in about 5 years (it always seems longer in my head), when we bumped into each other in the mall. I was shopping and he was working – as mall security. He spotted me and approached me to say hello, and we began chatting furiously, because of course I wanted to know all about everyone from high school and how they were doing. I had to go meet a friend to play basketball – I was there purchasing said basketball (I am so good at sportsing) – so we chatted right to the front doors as I left, and we decided to exchange numbers and get together to catch up further. Tibor Kovacs, I thought to myself, that weaselly smart ass from high school….hmm, he actually seemed like a nice guy.
We got together maybe about a week later over some beers at a local pub. I think it has burned down since. I was a smoker at the time, and was high on life, ready to eat up the world. Tibor was fresh out of a long term relationship that hadn’t worked out. I had just left a 4 year relationship with someone I was engaged to. Way too young to really know what I was doing. Made it out just in the nick of time. Once free, I was smiling and laughing again, and never ever did I want to be held back from the greatness of life by a man. “Can I just make it clear that I’m not looking for a boyfriend, so I hope that’s not why we are getting together here.” And Tibor so cool and collected, “No, that’s fine. I’m glad you made that clear because if not I would have definitely asked you out. The lines are drawn.” I was very taken aback how that was so easy, and how well he handled himself, and how the rest of the evening we could just sit back and shoot the shit…he was on day 4 of quitting smoking…I told him he didn’t really want to quit and handed him my pack. Thus began our beautiful friendship of smoking, drinking, and eating Big Macs.
We were inseparable. Best friends immediately. Tibor however was looking for a girlfriend. So I helped him. I took his picture and helped him set up his MySpace and Friendster accounts, while I galavanted around town from party to party having a blast of my early twenties. However, spending day in and day out with a female really hampers your chances of getting a girlfriend – I have juicy stories of how my presence foiled many a ladies chances with this strapping young lad. But he wanted me there with him, always. Sometimes after too much drinking he would crash at my place and have to work the next morning, and I found myself making lunches for him to take with him. Didn’t seem strange at the time, thought that was just what friends did. Maybe not lol. However one day, I started talking about a guy who I thought was hot, thinking this was not a problem, I’m talking to my best friend here…and he got silent. I knew right away something was wrong. He told me the next day that he didn’t think we should see each other anymore, that I didn’t want a boyfriend, and being with me wasn’t helping him get a girlfriend. And still completely oblivious, I was like, “Cool. I totally understand.” And in my head, “Well there goes a good friend, but what can you do.” After saying goodbye, I walked back into my house and walked straight into my bathroom and sat there in the dark. And I started to cry. And I was like, wtf. Really? Ugh.
I called him the next day and told him we needed to talk. He came over and I told him I wanted to be with him. He thought I was joking. I thought I was joking. But no, I really wanted him. This man who I thought would be immature, with no goals, no morals, I was so so quick to judge. He had proven to me our entire friendship the absolute opposite.
He was kind. His mother would call to ask him for help, and he would speak to her with such gentleness in his voice and spend as long as he needed to make sure she was alright.
He was attentive. He listened to every word I said and kept record in his head of the things I liked, and surprised me with things I had just mentioned in passing.
He was compassionate. I can’t even count the number of times he would stop the car to get out and see if someone laying on the street was ok, or help a mentally or physically challenged person who clearly needed assistance when others would just walk by.
He was a gentleman. There were definitely times I was too drunk and probably even made passes at him, ok, did make passes at him, but he always took my arms and bear hugged me so I couldn’t get handsy and said, “Let’s get you home.” And he would make sure I was safe and in bed every single time.
He had goals. He may have worked as mall security when I met him, and I may have been making more than double his annual pay at the time haha…but he worked damn hard. He showed up for work every day on time, cared about his job, worked crazy overtime, and worked tirelessly to move up the ranks in the company. He knew he wanted to do big things. And look at where he is now, exceeding his very own expectations.
And he wasn’t trying to impress me. This was just 100% who he was to the core.
Now, as the father of our two children, he has well proven himself to be the man I have always known he was. He comes home from an 8-10 hr day and sweeps the baby right out of my arms so that I can have a rest. He keeps me grounded, he can calm me in any situation, and he always makes me feel safe. He can answer all 30 questions I have about a TV show we are watching without getting annoyed that I wasn’t listening because I was actually on my phone the whole time. I’m actually surprised he has stuck with me this long because I’m #%$ing crazy. But he has, and I am grateful, and I thank God every day for sending him to me – for sending us to each other. And I’m sorry for the cliche, but for us, it was like we were meant to meet each other at the just the right time in our lives. It was perfect and imperfect in so many ways. And now here we are, living in each other’s fart filled wonderland.
Tibor, I don’t know how I ever lived life without you, but as long as it brought me to you, that’s all that matters. You are a beautiful human being, a rockstar father, and a caring and compassionate soul. I love you with all my heart, and there is no one more perfect for me, than you. And I know if mom were here, she would say the exact same thing. Happy anniversary baby. I’ll see you here again in 3 – for that one I’ve got a doozy 😉
xoxo
Vic
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